i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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