how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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