You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
