so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
