dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm too high and old for this...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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