Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
