Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize