You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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