I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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