Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
