I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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