Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
