Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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