I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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