i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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