The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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