what if every blade of grass was a penis?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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