I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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