Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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