i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
