Can Purell be used as lube?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
