There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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