the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just cut my nipple shaving
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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