I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
