I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
