who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
