I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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