we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
