I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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