We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
