Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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