Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
