giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
