I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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