Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Alive.
So much puke
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
