she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
