I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
