btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
