I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
