This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
