I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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