so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize