Just mADE A PArabola og urine
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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