wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
