Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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