We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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