We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
