she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
