I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I have fence marks all over my body
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
