youre lurking in front of me
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
