Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
