"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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