Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize