I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
