I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I touched a dick in church today
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
