i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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