if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
