pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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