I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
