Where did you get a picture of my penis
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize