Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
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