Dual....:-)
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
