Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
