there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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