R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize