I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
