I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
