We're like a lot better than the average bears
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
