FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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