Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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