Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
this hospital has no fireball
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
