A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
