I'm gonna have a badass scar
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
