you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
