I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
