How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize