If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
