remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
