How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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