I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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