Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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