Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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