Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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