Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
