I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize