We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
we have pet lesbian snakes
i barfeds in our rink
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
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