she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
