I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize