I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
