Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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