You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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