I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
