everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
