the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
