Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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