No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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