My first STD was from a foam party
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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