did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
