i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
