i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
