I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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