You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
